math =.="

06:56

***

lecturer jumpa sorang sorang anak murid beliau untuk komen, bg nasihat, motivate & cadangan based on UPS hari tu.

and when it comes to my turn, she looked at me.
inhale, exhale.

"Amirah, awak kena struggle lagi untuk maintain & upgrade lagi result awak ni. Saya target awak A untuk final."
head was nodded non-stop.

"since awak dh dpt A untuk mid sem, jangan tinggal math ye. result hari tu subjek mana rendah skali?"
head nodded.
"physics"

"okey. awak jgn buat physics je memanjang. ingat math jugak eh. okey?"
head nodded once again.
"InshaAllah, cikgu."

"Cikgu, brapa org dapat A dlm kelas ni?"
"awak sorang je. you're the highest"

*pengsan*

***

Alhamdulillah.
May Allah ease every single thing, inshaAllah, aminn :)

06:45


PHYSICS.

kay, result mid sem. as I expected, physics akan drag pointer aku FAR downwards.
and yeah, it DID. thanks physics, aku akan sayang kau lebih lepas ni.
sama mcm SPM dulu.
tapi aku harap kau tak layan aku mcm time SPM hari tu dah.
do love me baaaaaaack :(

***

MATH.

bila aku bgtau je gred aku, terus depa pusing kepala dgn mulut ternganga & biji mata mcm nak terkeluar.
"Mirah dpt A? Gi-la"

heyy aku taktau aku jawab apa hari tu. yg aku ingat, aku frust tahap infiniti bila idea berduyun duyun datang time masa DAH tamat.
sempat tulis separuh je, cikgu dah mai amik exam paper. =.="
but still, alhamdulillah. I am determining to upgrade the result, inshaAllah.

***

CHEMISTRY

"Maria, dpt brapa chemi?"
"B je, takleh A"
"B? Bapak ah. *mata membulat, kepala digeleng*.
weiyh, Maria dpt B kot chemi ! *he spreads it dkt org lain*" =..="

as I told u before, aku tak sempat jawab sampai habis. ohh soalan 4 :(
Masa terlalu PANJANGG kayh. grr grr ://

***

BIOLOGY

for Bio, alhamdulillah. aku dpt exactly macam yg aku target.
thanks ipak, jd cikgu tolong explain-kan dekat aku mlm tu.
even aku tersengguk sengguk, smpai ada tu kau cakap sensorang. ehheheee thaaaanks!
kita dpt sama :D

***

call umi abi, bgtau result.
memula tu, umi mcm frust gak aa tp bila aku cakap yg lebih drp separuh pelajar dapat pointer bawah drp 2.0, baru laa umi mcm lega gitu. aku antara yg ter'selamat' . hehheee alhamdulillah XD
kalau abi, reaction dia amenda lagi, gelak je lahh. then, as usual, khidmat nasihat tak-perlu-bayar bermula. tewhee ~
overall, sorang je pun, yg dpt 4 flat. budak laki, modul 2. congrats ah. sape ntah, aku tak kenal. yg aku tau, depa cakap nama dia 'Rabbani'.

***

study physics, dkt meja di kiub.
tetengah serabut stress jawab soalan, kau tetiba datang suruh aku panaskan air?
rasa macam nak terbalikkan katil pun ada, tahu? tak pun runtuhkan dinding pemisah antara kiub. grr grr

dey, kau nak minum, kau panaskan laa. tak pun, pi kacau org lain yg tengah bukak kelab bual, or yg tak buat pape. kalau nak tanye soalan tu aku tak kesah. tanye laa berkoyan koyan pun inshaAllah aku jawab. ni suruh aku pi panaskan air. eiiii *hantuk kepala dkt meja*

so, I keep sitting on the chair, scribbling digits on the calculator, sketching numbers on the paper without saying even a word.
nak minum, sila buat sndiri. time aku free boleh la kau nak mintak tolong aku. ada paham? >.<
time aku study, especially physics, kau jangan. doh laa physics tu 'ex-favourite subjek' aku. tau tak stress tu apa? *__*
grr grrr

okey lah. May Allah ease every single thing, inshaAllah, aminn! :)

mianhae, chingu :(

17:31

"sometimes, squabble can strenghten our bond even more tightly than before."

I hv no idea why I shud behave like that towards you.
maybe sebab dah lama tak puas hati. mcm perasaan tu berkumpul then satu masa dia pecah and effect dia memang vavavoom punya.

to be truth, aku tak pernah buat mcm tu dkt kawan, even rasa geram tu mmg menggunung tinggi. I tend to keep it for myself. only me.

then, right after that incident, I remains silence. I talk nothing with her. even duk sblah je, tapi gaya mcm ada tembok china antara kitorg. sigh. masing masing taknak mengalah. aku senyap. kau pun senyap. ego sensorang memang tahap infinity. bluerghh >.<

***

dlm tutor math.
aku mcm fikir balik pro n cons apa yg aku dh buat.
bisikan suara baik dgn jahat tgh fight dlm fikiran.

"eleh, bukan salah aku. dah betul dia menggedik cenggitu."

"memangg laa. tapi cara tu kasar sikit laagi laah. takde cara kasar lagi ke?"

Allah itu Maha Adil.
Apa yg kita buat, itu yg kita dapat.
Apa yg kita ucap, itu yg diuji,
sejauh mana kata kata yg terluah selari dgn perbuatan.
itu yg diukur. TAKE NOTE.

Astaghfirullahal azim.

at last, I lost to the bisikan yg baik. Ego meruntun. feeling of guilty kept overwhelming me.
I was more like ; OMG what hv I done? ngaaaaaa >.<
aku nak sahabat aku baliiiiik!

***

lecture bio.
I try to act normal, like we used to be before. aku ada tegur, tp tak banyak. takut tak dilayan. tak ke malu? =..="
masa tu Allah je tau perasaan bersalah tu mcmana.

I miss her voice.
I miss her laugh.
I miss her the way she used to be before this.
I miss our old precious time together.
I miss everything.

hamik kauu amirah. padan muka padan muka padan mukaa. serve you right :p

***

lab bio.
there, I could heard her laugh. even not as cheerful as before, sedikit terubat laa. I try to find some space to talk to her. anything that can drag her into the conversation.

***

finally we do be like before. alhamdulillah.
even perkataan 'maaf' & yg seangkatan dgnnye tak terlafaz.
can u see ego yg besar gedabak tu? -..-"

change, Amirah. nak marah, control. nak nasihat & tegur, biar berhikmah. Allah dh sediakn guideline, knapa nak memandai main hentam je?
thinks before talks.

***

dearie you,
Im sorry.

sinceredly,
me; kwn yg tak berapa nak berguna ://

06:28

*bunyi bising mcm kanak kanak tengah main kejar kejar.*

"Eh tu kanak kanak ribena mana pulak?" - Na -

*jenguk ke arah tingkap.*

"jenguk sat, kot kot laa ikat tocang dua ke," -aku-

gelak terhambur.

#sweet memories here :)

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